Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
