Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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