I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
