Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
