4 words: hood of his car
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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