ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
