you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
