U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
