dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
