ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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