They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
