I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
