I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
