Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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