Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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