She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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