He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
