I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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