thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
