also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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