1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
we're so committed to being not committed
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
