Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
