Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
