she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
