Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
