He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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