Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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