I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
