come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
