I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
