I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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