when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
