I showed him my bush... on skype.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
