i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
