Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
