i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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