One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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