I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
