you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
