okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Randomize
