My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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