Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
