i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
