I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
