Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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