Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
