I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
