that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
