Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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