you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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